Chapter 1: A Surprise Ending
Hundreds of Bradley University students prepared to swarm downtown Peoria, IL, for Senior Walk. Senior Walk was a tradition where college seniors walked from campus to downtown Peoria, to drink at up to ten bars. Ten drinks? No problem! I thought, blasting 80's David Bowie while I got dressed in my apartment, like a teenager in a John Hughes movie. It was no problem because I could DRINK. I hadn’t excelled academically or had a girlfriend for all of college (or ever really), but never mind that, I would prove myself by throwing down drinks. Prove myself to who? All of Bradley University. I would be the king of Senior Walk (not a real title) and a plaque would be installed in the student center in my honor. I could see the headline in the school newspaper: Student is Best (it wasn’t a good newspaper). And who knows, maybe I’ll mesmerize an attractive young lady with endless facts and opinions about Elvis Costello? Anything was possible, the Spring air was electric, the day was full of promise.
During my senior year of college, I was 21 years old but looked 16. Any time I went to a bar and gave my ID, I was suspicious that the bouncer or bartender thought it was fake. “Hello fellow adult!” I said to them naturally, “I wish to imbibe alcoholic beverages, my age being what it is on this state appointed identification card.” I expected to be kicked out or arrested using my own ID until I was 30 years old. But my pale skin, blue eyes, brown hair, and lack of facial hair on my ID were all accurate. The 5'6” height was close enough, I'm probably 5'6” with shoes on. My clothes style probably didn't help me look older—I usually wore a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers, as I did on Senior Walk.
Senior Walk began in the morning. My friends and I hit several bars, spreading our usual brand of alcohol-induced foolishness around the city. Peoria in the early 2000’s was a mix of past and present, dirty river town and modern mid-sized city trying to attract attention. Old dive bars were next door to swanky steak houses. It struck me as odd to see classmates at a dive bar during the daytime, especially people I never saw out at night. Do people do something other than drink every night on the weekend? I wondered. That's what I usually did with my two roommates, my honorary roommate that lived next door, and their girlfriends. We drank like it was the only thing saving Earth from being destroyed, at least I did anyway.
By sunset most Senior Walkers called it a day, including my friends. Not everyone can have 10 drinks?! I wondered. I had the energy to continue. Like a strong cup of coffee, attention from a young lady gave me a boost. I had been wrong interpreting attraction in the past but based on her sitting in my lap and whispering in my ear, I began to think she was interested in me. The two of us made it to the last bar. She made it clear that something could happen between us. The bar was almost empty, but she recognized a guy from one of her classes. She left where we were sitting, walked over, and gave him an excited “Hello!” The two of them had an easy rapport. Being incredibly insecure with romance, my mind turned on me. What if she likes him better? Did she change her mind about me? She must like him more if she left me to talk to him. My brain flooded with negative, uncomfortable muck. I couldn’t shake the sluggish feeling. I didn’t want to talk anymore. I didn't want to be out anymore. I muttered something to the young lady about leaving and quickly made my way out. On the long walk home, a taxi passed by. The young lady was inside and gave me an angry shrug. I walked back to my apartment, into my bedroom, and fell into my bed. I didn't get up for hours. This sudden, lasting change in mood left me wondering if something was different about me…